In my 18 years of life I feel like I have lived forever. My Grandmother says the trauma we went through made us stronger, I dont believe her. I am still a scared kid.

Hello! My name is Stomachy or you can also call me Mae. Im 18. I am a neet/hikikomori of sorts who is too stupid to code so please have patience. This blog is mainly for me to practice code, vent, and maybe post my drawings.

This is a test to see if my editing to this code even worked.

(4/14/23 7:11 pm)

Hi. It's been a bit. Life sucks as always, a bunch of junk went down a couple weeks ago and my dad kinda disowned me. There is so much I want to say but cant. I dont know what else I can say other then iM doing horrible lol

(2/26/23 3:02 pm)

Hi. I'm 19! Crazy. Today I feel very drained. Life is so very odd and thats all my brain can seem to get out toay. I have to write an essay for college so- Im gonna do that.

(2/9/23 10:51 pm)

I wish I felt more okay. Some days I get this wave of hate and sadness and I cant do anything to help it. I just want to be happy. On a bright side, I'm gonna try getting license soon and tommorow im going out with friends. I dont know why I feel so strange. Ive been thinking a lot about Contard syndrome and I think this is how I feel, drained of blood and inhuman. I'm gonna brush my teeth and wash my face now.

(2/6/23 1:46 pm)

I wonder why I am so strange. I do not act the way a regular person would. It hurts being this way. My birthday is soon, i'll be 19. I still dont have a job, I can't drive, and I am still too scared to leave my house. At the very least I am in college and have plans. I am thinking about how I should make this website more pretty. I want to show people I am an intresting person but this diary seems too much, hell I can't even program this correctly. I still can't figure out how to add pictures and such. It makes me sad. Im still playing lots of video games, I got the new Yomawari game and I hope its just as scary as the others. Sometimes Ill get very empty and sad and these things that bring me joy just sudenly stop. I want to be normal very badly.

(1/25/23 9:50 pm)

Today in therapy I talked about how I am a horribly scary person. My intrusive thoughts are getting the better of me. I really want to get rid of one of my eyes. It is usless and shows only lies. I do not want it. On a lighter note I suppose, I've been sitting at my desk play Rain World for days. I do my college work online and then play video games, watch South Park and sleep. Rotting away in my bed is the only comfort I have. I hope the year of the rabbit is a good one.

(12/23/22) 9:17 pm)

Ah. It's almost Christmas for me and although I'm excited, I still feel this pit of emptiness. My doctor mentioned I might have Bipolar Depression and I just want to switch meds to see if they help. I feel sad today and I just want to feel happy again. On a side note, Ive been playing slime rancher again! I also really want to set up the music section of this website so I can post some of my favorite songs. I also want to post my art here eventually. I'm so bad at this stuff, I tried last time for so long to figure out just how to change the background and it never worked haha.

(12/13/2022 4:56 pm)

My dad is mean. I feel sad and empty. That's it. It hurts to talk and think.

(12/12/2022 7:27 pm)

My issues with life are growing. I hate the way depression locks you into a head space of being so absorbed in sadness and the anxiety makes you fear all that sadness. I don't know. I wish I got on meds that made me numb and not weird. It was sunny today and it made me angry. I am going to play Okami and go to bed alone and cold.

(12/11/2022 7:44 pm)

Admittedly, I have no idea how I have been able to work on this when I am so ungodly bad at this stuff. I do not think I can say enough how bad I am at this. Ive been on and off coding for over 3 years and this is all I have to show. I am like this with everything, I am bad at everything I do. This is probably the best place to mention the fact that I am unemployed. Most people on here are depressed right? I fit in, haha. Im on meds that make me numb. My aversion to people has been around since I remember and during lockdown it had grown worse. I never leave my house. I dont need to and I dont really care, it just makes me feel sick being inside so much. I am rotting. Anyways... I am going to go rot in bed. Tommorow is therapy. I might keep trying to figure out more coding stuff if I can. Goodnight.

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